Destroying the walls that only exist in my mind

Do you know the feeling when things don’t go the way you have them planned? My guess is that we all know this feeling due to the fact that there are only a few things we don’t plan. I will give you a short example on myself. I am planning which thing I need to buy in the grocery store. Writing the shopping list I need to know what I will cook during the next week and which evenings I am at home or having dinner outside. Furthermore I have a plan when to meet my friends, when to go to the cinema, to the gym and of course I am planning my “free” evening. Most of the time that means Pasta Pesto and a lot of snacks while watching my favorite series on Netflix. And whenever my dad is calling me on those evenings I will not pick up the phone, pretending not to be at home, because this time is my important ME TIME – and of course it was planned in advance!

I am not saying that this whole planning stuff is wrong, because normally our timetables are so full with appointments that we need to have a plan otherwise we would forget things, people, dates and by the end of the week we would have missed several things which we actually wanted to do.

That is the way how my world was back home. Lot of working and my free time was planned perfectly. But this isn’t working over here. I am trying really hard to stick to my travel plan but life just takes me by the hand and is turning me constantly around and pushing me on ways/routes/places that weren’t part of my plan.

For example this one week of rain where I was freezing in my camper van and it was so cold that I had to cancel every beach stop, surfing or at least the nice walk around the lake early in the morning 😀 And then the earthquake in Christchurch. Such things happen and you can’t shift them to other dates. And last but not least my driving routes aren’t that perfect. First of all I haven’t thought about the fact that I am traveling alone. So it is me who is driving the whole time. And it is me who is cooking every day, cleaning dishes, cleaning the car, buying groceries and doing the laundry. And secondly, I am not able to make a plan while driving or figuring out where to stay during night. The roads are crazy small sometimes and so many curves that you need to be fully concentrated. So I need to do the planing before or after driving and unfortunately there are only 24 hours per day and night and after the first week of driving I learned that I really need my sleep :p

So here I am with all these plans in my head but then life distracts me and comes by with unexpected things. In those situations I can tell you that my mood is shaking. Sometimes I am really annoyed and I am becoming sad or angry. I know that this sounds stupid but it is how it is. The good thing is that I noticed that and now I am working on it. Being spontaneous and not freaking out when camping sites are closed and there is no other opportunity than wild camping. And it is not terrible for being 4 days behind of my timetable or to skip a destination because the way is just too long or the weather forecast is too bad.

I know that these boundaries or walls just exist in my head. There is no one waiting for me here and there is no one who knows my travel plan and is counting on that. So it is just in my head and I am the only one who can built these walls and the good thing is: I am the only one who can destroy them. So when it causes me bad mood than it is 100% me who is able to change it. Letting go the plan I used to have is not that easy but I am working on it and it’s getting better every day. And whenever I am feeling that my mood is going to change I observe it, I accept it and then I smile and I am thankful for another opportunity of learning and growing 🙂

So in case that you know that feeling don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s ok not to be perfectly organized and it is also ok to have bad mood from time to time. But we should try to take things as they are and sometimes you just need to skip all your plans to have the most stunning day/hours/moments/… in your life!

Yours Kristin 


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